Its been more than 2 months since I last wrote. The past few months have been quite eventful and have inspired me to pen this down, my first ever attempt at trying to unravel relationships.
In the hierarchy of relationships, friendships are often placed at the bottom.Romantic partners, parents ,children- all these come first. But nonetheless friendships are unique relationships, because unlike the rest of them, we choose to enter into them voluntarily. Up until recently, friends for me, were people I could laugh and talk to, who know the worst of me and still love me, people whom I can trust. All this sounds warm and fuzzy but none of this can actually equate to what true friendship entails. It is time we begin to learn the important distinction between a friend and acquaintance. I’m not sure why or for whom this post fits in, but I do know that my hand can’t ever handle the frantic pace of the thoughts that jumble together in my mind. Writing this is a way of closure for all things bombarding my mind and one more step towards adulthood.
Every person has built a certain image of you, that makes them comfortable with who you are. Once you outgrow that image and become more than they were comfortable with, it makes them confused, unsettled , jealous, because now either they themselves have to grow and become more,or they”ll want you to shrink back and fit their expectations. That is where the frictions begin. I now know she was never a “friend” to begin with because real friends do not harbour resentments or allow their jealousy to overpower them to make irrational decisions. Real friends want to see you succeed in life and love. In the end, a friend’s betrayal is the ultimate worse pain to endure. But moving on from that, a part of growing and maturing includes understanding what true friendship includes, and the most important aspect of it is the Act Of Vulnerability and Intimacy that no one really talks or thinks about.
Intimacy is not who you let touch you. It is who you text in the middle of the night about your dreams and fears. It is giving someone attention when 10 other people are asking for it. When we think about vulnerability, we only tend to associate it with sharing our insecurities, anxiety, and stories of shame. In reality, one of the most undervalued and underpracticed acts of vulnerability is supporting each others success in this world. It is being willing to shine in front of our friends by sharing what is going on well, why are we proud of ourselves this week, what we do like about ourselves. It takes courage to shine in front of our friends and to encourage them to shine in front of us, because more often than not their shining may trigger our own feelings of envy and insecurity. In times like these, it is important to remember that each person is going to get only as much as he deserves and sharing our woes and bruises can only take us so far-its when we start to admit where we think we are amazing to the people who claim to love us, only then can we fully own that shine to a world full of strangers and doubters.As Harry Potter said, there are some things you just cannot share without ending up liking each other and spreading meaningful bonds.
Another aspect of this sacred bond no one really thinks about is the importance of fostering several different friends. That we don’t have to be exclusive to feel special. That the term “best friend” didn’t refer to a number, but to how well we treated each other. And that more important than someone choosing me, is my own sense of choosing myself. That kind of security allows us to have other BFFs without feeling jealous knowing our other friendships don’t make what we share any less valuable.
Lastly I would say never let your fear of unequal give-and-take ruin what could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship. We justify our wait and see approach by reminding ourselves that we sent the last text or initiated the most recent plans, and we conclude we are always the one doing the inviting. We fear putting ourselves out there all the time, unsure if its wanted. The truth however is that there are so many people out their who have so much to offer a friendship- but initiating and scheduling may not be their forte.That might not necessarily mean they don’t love us or want to be with us.Being in a give-and-take relationship doesn’t mean we have to give in the same ways. Let yourself free and be grateful for the small things and moments.
“Tell your friends you love them.Stop and say hello. Or just send a text to say you’re thinking about them. Don’t ever let it go unsaid how much someone means to you.”